hari itu dlm sejarah

hemm... ri sabtu lepas, 18 april! first time aku mengajar mathematics budak darjah 4 & 5.... susah gak jadi cikgu ni ye...ingatkan main bantai saja... but aku work hard la, buat preparation segala macam nak bagi bebudak tu paham.... eh, lupa lak nak bg taw aku ngajar ni bukan kat sekolah tapi kat tempat tuisyen laa... aku ganti ayah aku jap dia g kursus kat langkawi...

ok first tue, aku buat preparation utk mengajar shari seblm mengajar so that aku tau la apa content yg nak diajar kat anak org tu, kang salah ajar kang kena backhand parents diorg lak..khikhikhikhikhi....plus, aku siap buat work list utk diri aku sendiri.... work list tu aku tulis apa benda yg aku perlu buat dari mula kelas sampai abes kelas... nervous punya pasal aku sampai fikir cara apa nak kasi budak2 hormat aku ngeh3x.... well, aku come out dgn solution 3 peraturan yg perlu bebudak tu ikut, lau nak masuk kelas aku...cewah blm apa2 lagi dah tunjuk belang heeeee....

wokeh first rule kelas aku, hormat! kena saling menghormati antara pengajar dgn pelajar... then, bising! jgn buat bising dlm apa cara sekalipun unless utk berbincang dan bertanya shj. last but not least, jujur! mesti jujur dan jgn menipu sebab Allah tu Maha mengetahui...so bila aku tanya diorg faham atau tak diorg tak leh tipu aku heeeee lau tak phm apa yg aku ajar kena ngaku...bab aku nak tolong dorg ja...bukan nak telan diorg....since aku ni masih human being yg waras haaaaaaa...

Alhamdulillah, sepanjang kelas aku ngajar tu tak de serious thing yg happen! yelah, perkara bising, budak hyper active, budak muka blurr, tu mmg tak leh elak la ofkos belaku nyer...... tapi yg aku tak tahan pasal diri aku ni... haaaaaa tulisan cam cakar ayam , comot, tulis sikit punya senget...huh bikin malu jer... hampeh tul! yela aku bukannya cikgu diorg dan tak de pengalaman langsung bab2 pegang2 marker pen and tulis atas white bord nih.... time skolah lu pegang chalk pun bila terasa nak menconteng papan itam jer...kuikuikuikuikuikui....plus, dah la ketar sebab bru first time nak ngajar, tulis la plak cam teruk nak mampus... ahhhhh belasah jer.... aku ckp kat bebudak tu "sorry la tulisan saya tak cantik so, kalau tak phm apa yg saya tulis, sila angkat tangan tanya" fuh, skema abis ayat tuh...

yg lebih haru biru lagi dan agak memalukan, aku ni dah la tak reti guna white bord dgn pemadam dia yg entah apa2, abis tangan aku jadi itam...mula tu aku tak perasan tangan tu kotor kena dakwat marker tu, dah tu selamba badak aku lap muka aku yg berpeluh abis... lepas tu aku sambung balik ngajar....bebudak tu mmg hampes kot nak tego muka aku dh jadi itam...diorg diam jer... then, bila aku dah abes ngajar kelas darjah 4 tu aku switch ngajar kelas darjah 5 lak... bila masuk kelas tu students2 gelak2 kat aku... aku pun heranlah aku ni bukanya dlm rancangan lawaking ke hapa nak senyum2 gelak2 kat aku...

alik2 ada budak laki sorg ni tanya, cikgu apasal muka cikgu ada belang2 hitam cam nak masuk tentera jer... aku pun apa lagi terkejut beruk yg amat la... aku tanya betul ker ada belang itam, aku ingat budak2 ni shj nak kenakan aku...dah tu aku chao p check muka kat cermin...hemmm...apa lagi mmg berbelang itm la muka aku! patut la diorg gelak smpai keras perut! siot tak guna ade ke patut gelakkan cikgu! ishk..tak patut tol lah diorg ni! dah bersih sikit2 ku pun masuk ke kelas...still la belang itam tu dah ilang tapi kesan dia tu still leh nampak la...so, sajer nak cover malu hahahahahahha aku buat2 la kata, aku ni masuk nak mengajar biar comot sikit tak pa! aku bukannya masuk kelas ni nak mengorat..heeeee mmg aku tahan malu thap gaban! muka aku ni dah tak taw tebal berapa puluh inci dah! huh cipan+tenuk tol?!

overall, aku puas hati laa... bukan suma org ada pengalaman macam aku kan?! so aku patut menghargai pengalaman yg tak seberapa nih...apa2 pun kerja mengajar ni totally bukan senang seperti yg disangkakan sesetengah pihak... tambah pulak nak ngajar maths dlm bhs inggeris... fuh, really mencabar lah! sapa yg jadi cikgu tu, korang mmg org yg terkuat dr segi fizikal dan mental! chaiyok! ganbatte ne! pekerjaan ni mmg pekerjaan yg mulia... so aku lebih menghargai profesen ni selepas aku merasai sendiri kerjaya ini! hope aku akn menjadi pengajar yg baik walaupun bukan utk pelajar2 tapi utk anak2 aku yg akan dtg itu sudah memadai! Insya Allah!

effected & addicted....

hem...teringat nak quote lak benda2 yg best dlm novel 5t5b nih, sbb bila baca mcm ada yg terkesan kat pala otak dan ati ~sigh huh!
tak silap aku, nih fwd email dr: hang jebat (jebat iskandar@ datuk panglima)
kpd: hang li jo (Johanna)

Have you ever wondered which hurts the most?
Saying something and wishing you hadn't?, or
Saying nothing and wishing you had?

I guess the most important things are the hardest things to say. Don't be afraid to tell someone you love them. If you do, they might break your heart...if you don't, you might break theirs.

Have u ever decided not 2 become a couple because you were so afraid of losing what you already had with that person?

Your heart decides whom it likes and whom it doesn't.
You can't tell your heart what to do. It does it on its own........when you least suspect it, or even when you don't want it to.

Have you ever wanted to love someone with everything you had, but that other person was too afraid to let you?

Too many of us stay walled up because we are too afraid to care too much...for fear that the other person does not care as much, or even at all.

Have you ever denied your feelings for someone because your fear of rejection was too hard to handle?

We tell lies when we are afraid... afraid of what we
don't know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us.

But every time we tell a lie, the thing we fear grows stronger.

Life is all about risks and it requires you to jump.

Don't be a person who has to look back and wonder what they would have done, or could have had.

* What would you do if every time you fell in love you had to say good-bye?

*What would you do if every time you wanted someone they would never be

there?

*What would you do if your best friend died tomorrow and you never got to tell

them how you felt? (even if it is that you don't care anymore)

*What would you do if you loved someone more than ever and you couldn't have

them?

*What would you do if you never got the chance to say I am friends with all of

my family and they know I love them?*

People live, but people die. I want to tell you that
you are a friend.

If you died tomorrow (God Forbid)

You would be in my heart.
Would I be in yours?

If you care about me as much as I care about you

you will send this back

We might be best friends one year, pretty good friends the next year, don't talk that often the next, and don't want to talk at all the year after that.

So, I just wanted to say, even if I never talk to you again in my life, you are special to me and you have made a difference in my life,

I look up to you, respect you, truly cherish you , most of all I CARE about friends

Send this to all your friends, no matter how often you talk, or how close you are, and send it to the person who sent it to you.

Let old friends know you haven't forgotten them, and tell new friends you never will.

Remember, everyone needs a friend someday you might feel like you have NO FRIENDS at all, just remember this e-mail and take comfort in knowing somebody out there cares about you and always will..

I care about YOU !!

jatuh tangga cinta...

haaaa...jatuh tangga cinta?! aper maksud.... heh, sbenarnya aku dah jatuh cinta dgn karya tulisan hlovate nih... mmg betul she/he is not a writer, mere a storyteller @ tukang karut hahahahaaha... aku bru jer terjumpa blog dia tahun ni..so agak ketinggalan keretapi sekjap tapi boley catch up kot...tapi bila jumpa blog dia, aku agak terkilan tahap ampas nyok jugak...bab banyak missing page...huhuhuhuhhuuhuhuhu tak seronok lar bila baca, pastu tergantung, sengaja nak kasi aku curious ja....it's killin' me hlovate!!! dush! dush! dush!!!

eventhough aku tak beli lagi novel2 dia, aku akan pastikan by the end of this year aku dah baca suma novel dia...hah puas atiku.. oleh itu, memandangkan aku punya semangat inkuri yg tinggi aku berhasrat nak buat koleksi novel dia ...sbb mmg citer dia pergh..best giler dan tak banyak sgt ayt cintan-cintun ni...style dia pown sempoi jer...plus ada unsur2 islamik sikit yg boleh buat tazkirah ringakas utk aku bila baca novel ni...well, antara karya hlovate yg aku tangkap cintun:

1. [tunas] - trilogy gt_i
2. aA+bB
3. 5 tahun 5 bulan
4. versus
5. ked's story
6. rooftop rank ( print version bulan mac/april 2009)
7. schubert's serenade (novel join venture hlovate dgn writer lain)

plus, yg aku suka pasal hlovate ni nama watak dia cool dan tak lame sgt mcm sesetengah novel melayu yg aku baca...and aku pun bley improve my english yg tahap kekura nih...then, banyak words yg berbentuk philosophy, yg buat aku terbuai dan terfikir buat seminit dua including Holy Quran verses and hadith too...thanks lot hlovate...

chracters dlm hlovate's story:
1. addin & benz - [tunas]
2.AO(ashraf omar) & Min@Ed(minn edina) - versus
3.Ked Flop(khalid faizal) & Hadiah(nawal)
4.Ana(johanna) & along(afiq) & bat(jebat iskandar)

those characters, i love them all and hope i could meet someone like them... ayat hlovate:
live well, or live hell u choose!
God's Love Letter Compilations[Holly Quran] is the best balm!

krisis dlm konflik?!

susahnya hati ni bila semua hati org kita nak jaga...hem masalah2 asyik dtg ja tak penah yg nak larikan diri dari hidup kita nih...even for 1 sec. entry kali ni krisis dlm konflik?! bunyik cam complicated ja..and yup it's really complicated...

jenuh aku timbang2, pikir2..alik2 tak jumpa gak jalan keluar,,,ishk..buntunyaaaa....

it's all begin like this,

"angah, tgk tu kat tv ada iklan pasal scholarship amanah raya berhad tu..sambung belajar kat mesir tu..al-azhar." umi bagi taw aku dlm dua ari lepas... tapi aku buat tak kisah jer...tak minat la nak apply sebab dia kata utk course pengajian Islam...huh?! tapi aku nih cam mudah kena paksa jer...last2 aku bukak web amanh raya tu and download dia punya application form...

sekarang ni aku tertanya-tanya patut ke aku apply??? aku sebenarnya mmg tak minat bukan tak minat ttg pengajian Islam ni, the prob is aku sayang nak tinggal subjek sains...especially kimia..huhuhuhuhuhuh...tapi tak semstinya aku sambung belajar dlm bidang sains aku lupakan terus pasal pengajian Islam ni...tol x???

nak di tambahkan cerita, kwn2 plak keja foward jer mesej pasal scholarship tu..tension nya..dahla kat rumah pun kena paksa...kwn2 lak antar msg gi2 lagi la pusing kepala aku ni 360 degree..huh!

umi, tolong paham angah key...angah pun subjek bhs arab tu pun dpt b3 jer..cam hampeh jer dgr bila sebut futher study kat al-azhar...cam tak layak jer diri nih...dah tu angah tak sanggup la nak belajar suma subjek dlm bhs arab..rasa cam susah..yela kat sekolah belajar bhs arb gak tapi bila dah masuk u ni lain citer dia, lagi tinggi la bhs arb yg aku kena belajar... bukan tak suka bhs arab, kan bhs arb tu bhs ahli syurga...sapa yg tak suka bhs al-Quran tu..cuma angah nih ja ada problem ralat sikit nak pickup bhs arb ni...tah la may be minat tu kureng kot...tapi angah mmg harap angah akn cekap dan fasih bertutur dlm bhs arab ni...Insya Allah, one fine day i will make this dream comes true...

umi, angah nak sgt kejar cita2 angah sendiri...umi pun tahu angah ni bukanya style yg suka dipaksa-paksa...makin umi force angah, makin kuat laa angah memberontak, membantah... umi, i'm sorry! angah bukan sengaja nak tinggikan suara dgn umi bila kita bincangkan pasal hal biasiswa ni...juz angah rasa umi tak cuba nak faham angah, faham dgn angah punya stand..dan nak kukuhkan stand angah tu terpaksa macm tertinggi suara...umi angah mintak maaf..tak berniat langsung nak marah umi or nak sakitkan hati umi...umi mengerti lah hati ini yg tak terlintas nak futher study ke timur tenggah...

umi, angah dah plan perjalanan study angah..kalau ada rezeki angah dpt tawaran jpa tu, i will go for it..lau tak dpt pun angah redha, may be Allah ada somthing yg lagi special utk angah... then, angah tunggu plak tawaran cikgu tu...(actually nak apply yg cikgu ni pun umi cam paksa angah tapi angah rela ja...may be there is the cloud under the silver lining other words ada hikah disebalik sesuatu), still lau dpt, angah akn terima lau tak pun it's ok...

then lau dua2 option tu angah tak dapat tawaran tu, angah akn tunggu matrix dgn upu plak...tapi angah harap sgt dpt upu walaupun angah dpt tawaran buat diploma... angah kalau boleh tak nak masuk matrix..mmg la cam masuk matrix tu nmpk cepat but kalau tak score betul2 mmg hancur la... bila jadi kes hancur ni angah tak nak la nanti org kasi course lelong/course yg org tak nak amik...huhuhhuhuhhuu mintak simpang malaikat44... wlaupun diploma tu nampak lambat sgt nak masuk u tapi angah rasa selamat... apa org kata tu, biar lambat asal selamat...lagipun bila kita amik diploma means kita secure dr segi sijil dip yg laku...tak macam matrix-sijil dia sijil tak laku... plus, diploma ni kita dah pasti arah tujuan kita study ni...tapi kalau matrix belum tentu..itulah maksud angah bila angah sebut kat umi secure and bright future...

bagi angah belajar kat mana2 pun sama saje baik luar atau dlm negara...umi jugak penah kata kat angah "kalau kita nih mmg betul batu permata, tak kisah la org lempar kita kat dlm lumpur ke paya sekalipun, sinar kilauan permata tu akn jelas terpancar kat mana2..." angah sgt yakin dgn kata2 ini...so i've made up my decision, learning is fun, places to held a learning process doesn't matter...as long as we have passionate in life...

so, pasal scholarship tu angah,ingat angah nak buat solat istikharah dulu...lepas tu baru angah made up my mind whether nak apply ke tak....umi don't worry, Allah with us...sekiranya Dia berkehendak akan sesuatu, maka jadilah akan sesuatu itu..kunfayakun...

Ya Allah, lapangkanlah dadaku ini....

haaa...baru teringat

aku ada pengalaman nak kongsi nih...1 April yg lalu...aku kena g interview tuk biasiswa JPA. heeeeeee guest what, aku ader lah jumpa kwn lama aku...dia mintak course bussines admin, aku lak mintak social sains...well, lama tak lama tu kira tu kawan aku masa sekolah rendah tu...lama gak lah dah 6 tahun tak jumpa...eh..sebenarnya aku bukan nak cerita drama jejak kasih tu... ok focus and straight to the point....

ok, aku kena gi temuduga tu kul 8 pg, yup aku sampai tepat on time but yg lecehnya kena ikut giliran list name tu...lama gak la tunggu dari kul 8 pg sampai kul 10 baru nama aku diorg panggil... yg menambahkan kenervousan aku tu, temuduga ni buat in group...so group aku ni agak pelik bab the only one group yg ditemuduga juz ada seorg perempuan (means aku la tu)....and the other 4 members in the group tu adalah guys...dlm erti kata yg lain sepisies lelaki...aku nih dah la nervous...dah tu kena lak group dgn guys...aku bukannya reti sgt nak comunicate dgn sepisies tu.... yelah, aku dari form 1 sampai form 5 dok kat sekolah yg penuh dgn girls aja...mau tak kekok aku... kena sekali kena bincang dgn 4 org lelaki....hush...

nak dijadikan cerita lebih menakutkan, 4 org guys tu... mak aihh tinggi cam pokok kelapa belakang rumah aku tu... aku ni plak dah la...rendah cam pokok herba tu...aish men, taik kelawar atas simen...and one more thing, 4 org guys tu, 2 melayu, 2 cina...imagine la aku cam na time tu ... gabra tahap gaban la...kalau 4 guys tu melayu tak kisah sgt....ni ada chiniese... tapi tak pe lah aku redah jer.... and special things ttg group aku ni, 4 guys tu lak dari kedah, aku sorg jer dari perlis...

yg mengerunkan lagi, group kitorg ada group discussion....ofcos la conduct in english... tapi aku cam sengal jer bila interviewers tu kasi tajuk kat group aku...mak aiih... bagi aku tajuk tu agak susah lah, yelah bagi org cam aku ni yg dah tinggalkan alam persekolahan dekat 4 bulan...and dlm masa 4 bulan tu plak asyik enjoy jer...tajuknya "FIRST CLASS FACILITIES, THIRD CLASS METALITIES" bunyik cam senang jer..tapi cuba la korg fikir aku yg mawar berduri dlm room tu nak pikir pun cam tak leh pikir...lost...idea tak dtg...tak tahu nak ckp apa...though kami diberi masa bout 10 to 15 minutes to have a discussion bout the topic be4 we start... yelah walaupun aku debator pencen..susah gak nak ckp...bab time debate dolu2 kitorg diberi masa seminggu sblm bahas tajuk tu...so sempat la nak cari info, statistik pasal usul yg dikemukan.....dah tu leh lah ckp kaw2 time berhujah... ini tak juz within 15 minutes..of cos la not much yg aku bleh hujahkan...redha jer...

ok, time group discussion yg betul2, kami ikut giliran lah sapa nak ckp dulu, then kalau ada yg nak tambah2 tu tambah jer point yg ada...bukan sempat pikir pun... tapi lepas temuduga tu baru aku perasaan yg group aku tu ckp merapu jer..tak de point...(termasuk aku la tuh..huhhuhhuhu sedihnyer sob..sob..sob) yelah kami banyak nya menghurai berdasarkan contoh2 facilities yg ada kat Malaysia ni... sepatutnya aku rasa dia kena wat cam karangan gak lah ...sorg 1 isi....dan ofkos kena bagi contoh... for example: first ckp la pasal kepentingan facilities yg ada kat Malaysia, then ckp pasal kenapa org selalu missused kan facilities yg disediakan, then ckp lak cara nak mengatasi masalah org yg suka rosakkan facilites tu... aish..kenapa la aku tak terpikir nak ckp or suggest kat group aku cam tu...bila dah terpikir dah terlambat dah...

anyway, aku rasa kitorg dah buat yg terbaik...kalau ada rezeki dapat la tawaran biasiswa tu..lau tak dapat pun mesti ada hikmah disebaliknya....buat masa ni tawakal tu yg penting...nak kat usaha dah usaha dah..juz wait and see....

lamanya.....

wah, agak lama aku tak buka blog nih....tah la aku pun sebenarnya bukan reti sgt guna blog nih... hentam jer..tapi bila aku dah set up, aku lak malas bukak blog sendiri...

sebenarnya aku pun tak taw sgt apa tujuan blog nih...adelah aku check out blog2 org lain..adeer yg guna blog ni sbg medium nak tunjuk bakat diorg cam menulis novel/cerpen and ada gak yg guna cam dairi jer...pastu ada gak yg guna sbg medan dakwah dan sbgnya... aku rasa tujuan set up blog ni depends on individu yg set up tuh... bagi aku...aku nak anggap blog ni cam e-dairi lah....

plus, aku bebas nak bg taw feeling aku kat sini...dah tu leh kurangkan strees memendam rasa muahahahhahaha... lagipun aku rasa tak de org pun yg akn baca blog aku ni..nih sesatu perkara yg best dan yg paling aku harap akan terjadi...